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'If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get one million miles to the gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.'
-Robert X. Cringely (from geek wisdom)
SOUNDING BOARD
Friday, September 26, 2003
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Abuse of women in intimate relationship: going beyond Kris and Joey
The headlines were shattered by Ms. Kris Aquino's revelation that boyfriend and live-in partner Paranaque Mayor Joey Marquez allegedly physically and emotionally abused her, and worst, pointed a gun at her. That prompted Kris to seek help from her mom (former President Corazon Cojuanco-Aquino) and brother (Representative Noynoy Aquino). Forget Ms. Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo's falling rating, whether she will run or not, the failure of Cancun talks, the anomaly in the recent Bar exam, Charter change, forget everything. This is one 'national issue' wherein every Filipino, rich or poor, male or female, and every other category you can think of, has been closely and eagerly following. In a society characterized by stereotyped gender roles (thanks to the gullible majority), the not-so-gullible among us should go beyond downplaying the issue as a private matter.
Abuse of women in intimate relationship is the issue
The quarrel apparently climaxed when Joey received a text message from a lady. Kris got jealous and a heated argument followed. Joey, being sexist that he is, reasoned 'buti kung maganda yung babae, eh hindi naman' ('It's ok if the lady is pretty, she's not.') (Manila Bulletin 23 September 2003). What kind of reasoning is that, Mayor? But that's beside the point. The issue is this: Joey allegedly physically abused Kris and pointed a gun at her. The succeeding revelations by Kris over national television took all of us by surprise: it wasn't the first time that Joey physically abused her; she has endured verbal abuse from Joey; and maybe the most shocking of all, Joey has inflicted her with a sexually-transmitted disease (which was eventually cured at St. Lukes). Kris had to be the first to reveal it because Joey was allegedly using it to blackmail Kris and prevent her from coming out in the open about the abuses she endured from Joey.
Gender stereotyping
The issue took us all by surprise because we did not expect this to happen to Kris. After all, she is quite powerful, rich and famous. We have been unfortunately conditioned by the stereotyped world we live in that expects women to be boxed into certain roles. Thus when women are outspoken and sexually active, when they do not conform to our stereotypes, we give them bad connotations. Worse, when they get hurt, we blame them because they do not live up to the roles that our macho, double-standard society ascribes to them.
This is not to say that we are pre-judging Joey. We will let the courts decide on the case. However, when a woman presents herself as a victim of abuse in intimate relationship, we, especially the government, have a responsibility to see to it that the victim/survivor gets the all the assistance she needs, and ensure that she is not look down upon as a Mary Magdalene who should be stoned to death because she did not conform to our stereotyped view of women.
We should not also fall into a flawed reasoning by the Mayor's gullible constituents and friends that because Joey has not abused them in anyway, Joey could not have done such acts. Bear in mind that this is a crime committed within the context of an intimate relationship. So if you are not or has not been in an intimate relationship with Joey, if you are not or have not had sex with him, chances are your limited and gullible mind does not fully grasp the situation at hand.
It is NOT a private matter
There are a large number of people saying that Joey and Kris should resolve their differences among themselves because this is a private matter. This is NOT a private matter. When a woman in intimate relationship is physically and emotionally abused, the issue ceases to be a private matter. It becomes a crime. Let noone make you believe that physical abuse is part of buhay mag-asawa (married life).
In aid of legislation
It is this particular reason why there is a proposed legislation on Anti-Abuse of Women in Intimate Relationships (AWIR). No man has the right to physically or emotionally abuse his partner, and no man should get away with that by couching the act as a 'private matter'. I hope that this issue serves as a wake-up call to our legislators.
posted by Allan at 9:28 AM (GMT+8)
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